I have a problem with small talk. For the most part, it’s completely useless. The only real purpose it serves is to distract us from real issues that might be difficult to talk about for whatever reason. Current affairs, social issues, politics, religion, the economy; no. I want to talk about the weather! Fine weather we’re having, huh? Sure has been raining a lot! How about this heat! Who cares???? The weather is the weather; I can see it just as well as you. There’s no need to discuss it. Ok then, let’s go over the excruciating minutia of every single little detail of your boring life. What time did you wake up this morning? Oh, you got to work late, huh? How inconvenient! Wow, you had ham and cheese for lunch again? Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?
Why is it so difficult to talk about things that are not boring? Everyone says that they hate being bored, yet they love to embrace it in their discussions. I find it difficult to believe that there are that many people walking this earth that have absolutely nothing interesting to say. Nothing new to talk about. No valid opinion on what’s happening around the world. I mean if that is the case, then what a sorry state this world is in. Even if you spend all day everyday locked in a cubicle punching numbers into a computer, you still should have something to say about something other than spending all day everyday locked in a cubicle punching numbers into a computer. I mean they haven’t turned us all into robots…yet.
Is it that people are just afraid to voice their opinion? Maybe they think they will sound ignorant, or maybe they feel their opinion isn’t valid, so best to keep it inside. I am in no means advocating jumping into a conversation that you know nothing about, but if you know something, anything, and have something to say on it, then share. Don’t be afraid. If it leads to an argument, then fine. Do your best to win the argument. It may not, though; it may lead to quite an intellectually stimulating discussion, and you may learn some things as well as teach some things. The point is to share, get involved, and have something to say.
On the flip side, we all need to learn when it’s best to say nothing; many times even quiet is better than unnecessary small talk. Listen for a while, and if you feel you have something worthwhile to contribute, then speak up. If you can think of nothing other than the weather, you can probably go ahead and keep it to yourself. Silence can be golden, as they say; especially if your lack of silence will lead to a case of foot-in-mouth disease. Don’t speak for the sake of speaking; speak for the sake of sparking a lively debate, an interesting conversation. Speak with the intent to learn something or to impart some knowledge. Just don’t be afraid to speak if you feel that what you have to say is worthwhile. As for not being sure of that, play it by ear. Use your instinct; if it feels like it will add something to the room, go ahead and take the chance. Don’t, however, interrupt a real conversation with uninteresting, unnecessary drivel. That should be kept to yourself, please.
Small talk just seems to be permeating our society at an alarming rate. More and more people have less and less to say about important things, and more and more to say about stuff nobody truly cares about. Society has become weak-minded, afraid to take the chance of hurting someone’s feelings, or worse yet, having their own feelings hurt. I have news for you: it happens. It’s an unfortunate part of life; nobody, regardless of how much you may try to shield yourself or others, is going to make it to their deathbed without ever having their feelings hurt. Not gonna happen. Accept that, deal with it, and get on with your life. I don’t advocate going out of your way to insult someone; not at all. But if you are going to say something that is about something, and not just engage in frivolous small talk, understand that there is always a chance someone won’t like what you’re saying, and they may reply with something you yourself won’t particularly care for. But that’s the way it works. Hopefully it can be resolved with a friendly debate, but if not, no need to get your panties in a bunch. Agree to disagree and move on to something else. That or poke them in the eye and run away.
Let’s all make a habit of having at least one important/interesting discussion a day. With anyone, it doesn’t really matter. Of course, some people will yield better results than others; but that’s fine. I think it would be good practice for everyone. It changes your mindset; it opens you up to learn new things, possibly change your opinion on something and if nothing else, gives you experience in the forgotten art of conversation. So the next time you run into some artsy fartsy know-it-all who has an opinion on everything under the sun (stop looking at ME.), you can give it right back to them and maybe even put them in their place. How great would that be? Here comes this loudmouth who wants you to know how smart he is, and you shut him up not with your fists or angry words, but with wit and charm. They hate that, you know.
We don’t have to be up to date on all the happenings of the world. That’s what CNN is for. Just pick bits and pieces that interest you and learn something about them. Or listen when others who seem to know what they’re talking about are speaking, and see what you can pick up. Just leave the weather out of it. Leave the little details of your daily life out of it. Leave the stories of your past that interest only you out of it. Realize that not everyone wants to know your opinion on everything, but if you pick the right time and the right place and the right words, I believe you may open up a whole new world. Your next family get-together will be much different and entertaining as well. For you anyway. Uncle Bob is still worrying over those clouds outside.
Cary B Sands 